Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
