Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
