I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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