Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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