Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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