Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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