do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
