Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
