I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
