awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Congratulations! We have a period
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