WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
