You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The convent might be a nice break from real life
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize