She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I supernannyed him into submission
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
