I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
