Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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