I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
