Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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