He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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