i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
