I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
