I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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