I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
