So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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