At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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