Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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