does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
