If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
