: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
