All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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