We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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