That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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