Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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