no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
