why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
