Cold hands, warm shart.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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