Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
