He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
