i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She needs sedatives and a leash
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
