How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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