Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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