Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
