I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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