he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
