So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
