do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
