Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
