return my video game
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
