Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
