Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
