he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
