I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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