hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
