Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
