God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
