um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
