I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Randomize