connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
