how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize