I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize