my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
