So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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