I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize