Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
