on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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