therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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