i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
