He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Randomize
