saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
