Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
