Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
