You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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