does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
