is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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