Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
