I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
