Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
