he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm sobbing to NWA
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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