i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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