i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
