That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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