Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
