My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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