We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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