Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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